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You know what’s easy? Abstaining from sex. Especially when it’s with your husband who you are supposed to be separated from but he keeps crashing at your house to be “close to the kids” and wants to “keep things normal” for their sake. Who came up with “normal”? Please tell me because I want to punch them in the fucking face. Nothing about my life is normal. I started a business with my husband three and a half years ago and now he wants it, all of it. Okay, that’s fine. He works the business and I get half. No biggie. But what happens when the business starts to falter yet he still insists that he wants total control of it? Let’s throw a wrench in the mix. I am the book keeper. That means I am responsible for the flow of money. And there isn’t enough of it. So I get the late notices, the emails and have to sit through hours upon hours of meetings with tax attorneys, CPA’s and ultimately a double IRS audit. I get to write the bills, do the taxes, deal with the banker and monitor our checking accounts while they constantly dip below zero. Some days it seems like I could measure the quality of my life by the number of NSF fees I’ve been hit with that day. It’s a lot of pressure. 

Abstinence from sex/orgasms for 30 days is turning out to be a piece of cake. What I really want is a cold vodka drink, a mellow joint and to scream at the top of my lungs. I want to this ridiculous “living situation” to sort itself out so we can all move forward. I want someone else to go check the mail, go to the grocery and make dinner. I want to live in a world without passive aggression where everybody can just say whatever the fuck is the truth and there is no pretense about whose feelings might get hurt because maybe shit just got too real for a second. I need complete abstinence from men AND money. These two are intrinsically tied together for me, and right now I can’t stand either one of them. 

The hysterical irony of it all, is that I probably just need (ok, desperately need) to clear my head with some mind-blowing sex with a really hot someone that I have zero financial interest in whatsoever. What do they call that? Gratuitous sex? Rebound sex?? Whatever they call it, I’ll take it. And make it a double.